8/8/22 - 7:48pm
Today, is one of those days where I felt nothing all day. Sure emotions came and went, but there wasn't one that stuck with me all day except Depression. Now, he was bareable today. Still a bit moody and sullen but not to the point of annoying or to the point where I just needed to deal with him and come home and go right to bed. At least he gave me some energy and I'm writing this so that is something.
The challenge comes in because I'm not working on a story or making some impact on my dream and I have to make sure I don't give him the satisfaction of keeping me locked where I am. Being unhappy and who knows what else it has in store for me today.
So much to say but I'm trying to get out of my head and focus on the good stuff. They say when you do that good things happen. It hasn't really happened for me yet but I'm hoping.
The Black and Ugly mind worm has reared its head too. It has been a few days (maybe even a week) since I heard it last but today it shouted that phrase in my mind like a class clown saying something smart under his breathe to get the class laughing and pissing the teacher off.
I figure I'll work on an outline or something and really hit the keyboard tomorrow. I have to know where I'm going or else it will just ramble on and I'm committed to doing something with all of this.
I can't continue the way I'm going. No joy. No hope. No life. I'm not saying that it will change anything, but I have to go with the ONE thing that provides some hope and some relief from the the mind worms. At least when I'm writing I can be someone else.
Well, let me get started and then hit the bed before work tomorrow.
Thank you for listening to my ramble.