ARCHIVAL ORDER NOTICE: Due to circumstances involving the Cosmic Blackout, these are the only entries of A’Kan’s Journal available to The Archival Order. The Order is working hard to reestablish a connection to the Phoenix Network. When a new connection is established, entries will resume. The Order apologies for any inconvenience.
14/22/5809
After I pushed my annoyance down and began to listen to what they had to say, they made it all seem pretty straight forward and I was calming down. Then we broke for lunch and I ran into Tabari. Now, I’m not sure if it was because I spent my lunchtime with Tabari or I was just more comfortable with them, but by the time we got back together, they began to open up about the ceremony and I began to listen and started the dread the process all over again. trying to process everything so some of this may not make sense. Hopefully by writing it down, I can figure out the best way to approach it tomorrow.
After I pushed my annoyance down and began to listen to what they had to say, they made it all seem pretty straight forward and I was calming down. Then we broke for lunch and I ran into Tabari. Now, I’m not sure if it was because I spent my lunch time with Tabari or I was just more comfortable with them, but by the time we got back together, they began to open up about the ceremony and I began to listen and started the dread the process all over again.
If I had to guess Wentworth came from an Echelon school. He was more polished and poised than Dijmou was. While I could understand Djimou, he didn’t say much. He just kept staring at me. I felt him poking around my flame, but he never intruded so I didn’t say anything. It was just a bit unnerving. Then they conferred with each other and I could tell by the way that Wentworth took a sigh that it wasn’t going to be good, but I wasn’t prepared and I’m still trying to process everything so some of this may not make sense. Hopefully by writing it down, I can figure out the best way to approach it tomorrow.
They did what they call a preliminary reading to see if the “Sovereign Flame” had any messages for me before we began. Ke’Lyn has read me before and has-been pretty accurate, but this was different. When she does it, I can feel her around and know when she has tapped into my flame, but these guys went deep, and it lasted a while. Also, when Ke’Lyn does it, I can’t see what she sees, but with them, I caught glimpses of stuff here and there. A lot of it was jumbled, but I remember seeing them standing over a well with a beam of light coming out and five flames hovering around each other and then merging into one. I heard thunder and a booming voice but when I looked behind me, I was back looking at the two of them stare at me.
Afterwards they told me that, “as they expected” my situation is unique and complex and, “happening on multiple fronts.” They then warned me that my kindling will be intense. Dijmou went out of his way to warn me that it won’t be over and done. He said the flame has other needs of me.
I’m nauseous and know I won’t be able to sleep tonight. I can’t say that I’m not surprised though. I knew it was going to be involved but hearing them say it just confirms that this is going to get worse before it gets better. I think what I’m worried about the most are the dark spots in my flame. I asked about them and, at first, they calmed me down and told me that everyone has dark spots in their flame and that it isn’t cause of concern. Then, after they did their preliminary reading, they came back and said they spots are different from what they’ve seen in others and it could be proof that there is a darkness rising in me. Wentworth chimed in at that point and said what I was already thinking which was this is not going to be a straight forward Kindling.
I don’t know what scares me most, confronting the darkness or going through the process of confronting the darkness. When I did my Ryse ceremony I had to go through a lot. I could barely attend the party and was sick for two days afterwards. I am hoping that isn’t that bed but I’m not feeling good about it.
I better hit the store here and grab some things in the event I am sick for a few days. They also gave me a script for Elyium Coltin. They said they noticed some blocks and think that it will help melt some of the barriers. I have to take it tonight and stay in bed all day tomorrow. They’ll be by to check in me and then, barring any other delays. The ceremony will be the day after that, and it will finally all be over with.
Here’s hoping that this is all in my imagination and it isn’t going to be as I’m making I out to be.